Finding a purpose in Life

i am learning to like myself better right now. I always feel like I’ve failed in life when my psychosis happened constantly that there wasn’t enough medications I could take to let me preform at my job at Aetna. They tried to hang with me but I ended up where my schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia + bipolar II) got so out of hand that to my shrink and psychiatrist told me to apply for SSDI which was approved the first time around. I take a 300ml haldol deconate shot every 3 weeks now trying to avoid me getting psychotic because I was having to take oral haldol on top of the injection because something went wrong with my last shot that I’m having to take 20mg of haldol to keep the alien in my head away so his constant hallucinations and back chatter telling me I need to cut my heart out or put sterno out both my arms so I could have beautiful wings of fire and that it wouldn’t hurt. To go from bringing home 73,000+ a year to $2,125/month and still having to pay for my medical bills is tuff on my ego. Being able to afford almost everything and now being able to afford almost nothing is quiet an adjustment for me because I’ve always been an impulsive spender. But I took out the last little bit of my 401K and paid off all my credit card debit Kristie took out her IRAs and paid off the house. I trimmed our budget down to the basics so that we can live life debt free with a little left in savings for emergencies